OUR LOSS

I am going to miscarry.

It has happened yet, and the weight of knowing that it will is like knowing the day you are going to die.

I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

We've been to the doctor's office, many times, there is no heartbeat, and it looks like the process has already begun naturally, no intervention will likely be required.

I know all the facts.

• There is no reason.
• I did nothing wrong.
• It happens to a lot (probably most, if people would actually talk about such things) of women.
• It doesn't mean it will happen again.
• I'm still young enough.
• I have one beautiful, healthy, perfect child; I can still have another.

There are worse case scenarios.

Giving birth to a child that was really wrong.

Having to make the choice to abort a really wrong fetus.

Really, truly and honestly, this is better.

We are really quite fine.

I am a very strong and rational woman.

But you still cry. You still wish. You still hope. You still regret. And since we shared our blessing with everyone, the hardest part is sharing our loss.

Let me share one more thing. An excerpt from my favorite author.

"It divided me from the people I knew, then and later, but in broader human terms I don't pretend that it sets me apart in any great way. A miscarriage is a naturally and common event. All told, probably more women have lost a child from this world than haven't. Most don't mention it, and they go on from day to day as if it hadn't happened, and so people imagine that a woman in this situation never really knew or loved what she had.

But ask her sometime: how old would your child be now? And she'll know."

Pg. 54, Animal Dreams by Barbara Kingsolver